5/13/16

Today's Horoscope

All signs:

Today you will be reminded ad nauseum to love yourself. In Internet memes, in song, in movies and TV shows, on talk shows and in self help books. Right now, as a matter of fact.

Of course, you should love yourself. Unfortunately, that seems like an impossible challenge to most people, not because they can't love themselves but mostly because there's no discernible way of doing that.

It's not like you decide you love yourself and cartoon hearts appear around you or you get an engagement ring. It's not like everything suddenly becomes wonderful and your whole life falls into place. In fact, it's very anticlimactic and your life might hardly change at all.

That's because learning to love yourself is one of those basic building block things that in a perfect world is something you really shouldn't have to learn. It should be the way you feel from the beginning. It should be ingrained. It is part of the bedrock, not a gaudy skyscraper soaring majestically into the sky.

We have to work so hard just to get up to the starting line.

The term “love yourself” almost puts too much pressure on us. Love is a big and complicated thing, and it can crush you if you are focused on finding it, in others or in yourself. We think of love and we think of fireworks and excitement and an answer to all the questions we can't figure out. That is the romantic aspect of it at times, but that's not the part you're looking for when you learn to love yourself. You want the truly amazing part of love.

Be on guard that you don't fool yourself about love. Just as we convince ourselves that we love someone that is very bad for us, we can delude ourselves that we love ourselves when we are actually insecure and being self destructive.

Real love is a deep and quiet thing, something that is part of you. It is comfort and reassurance and familiarity. It is a rock you cling to, a home you always have to go to. It is security and unconditional and gives you strength when you can't find it anywhere else. It is knowing your deepest secrets and fears and being okay with it.

Maybe instead of badgering everyone with the demand that they love themselves we should just get people to not hate themselves.

Now hate is a pretty strong word, and thankfully I don't think that most people hate themselves. I do think most people have aspects of themselves, real and imagined, that they actively don't like, and they obsess over them and let them get in the way of loving themselves. Many times these are things we constantly overlook in others but can't forgive in ourselves. We punish and torment ourselves, hold ourselves back and deem ourselves unworthy. At best we try to ignore the dark places, and never acknowledge them. That's not love.

Love looks at those places unflinchingly, and shines a light on them with no fear. It knows us and doesn't think less of us. It will be there, rock steady and willing to do whatever work it takes to change the things that need changing and accept the things that don't.

Many of us live with a vague feeling of dissatisfaction about ourselves. We carry guilt and shame and feel we don't quite measure up, and that's not love either.

So we feel like we can't achieve this grand and glorious goal of self adoration, and it becomes one more thing we feel we've failed at. That doesn't have to be the case though.

Love is trust, and trust isn't sexy and flashy either. A huge part of loving yourself is simply acceptance, and knowing who you are and trusting that you'll do the right thing. Most of us are almost there, or could be with a little bit of reflection and soul searching.

Love is respect, and you expect someone that cares about you to treat you well. Love demands that, in fact. Respect yourself and make it a prerequisite that others do and that's another big part of it taken care of right there. See, this isn't so hard.

Perhaps the biggest and hardest part of love is forgiveness. Love is imperfect, we are imperfect, so why berate ourselves and others for not achieving the impossible? It's ironic that many people view forgiveness as a weakness when it really takes a great deal of strength and character and grace. Love is all encompassing, our gifts and our flaws.

So that's most of the battle right there. Those things are so important, but they aren't big, loud declarations accompanied by party streamers and balloons. There is no set goal you arrive at and get a trophy. It is like any love, it has its ups and downs, and it is always growing and changing. It not a thing you capture and put on a shelf. It is living and breathing, and that's what messes people up sometimes. You can't just see it and grab it, or perform some deeds and win it like a merit badge.

It is in you and around you, part of you and part of the world. It is comfort and a place you fit and inhabit. It is never done, and you must always maintain and nurture it.

The stars see you and love you. The stars love themselves, and they shine with the brilliance they achieve that we can also aspire to. Because that is the one thing about loving yourself: while to us it might not seem like a momentous and glorious thing, others notice it immediately.

As we travel contented and at peace through time and space, we will shine brightly and light the lives of those we encounter, and we inspire wonder and grace, and we make their world a better and more beautiful place.

And that is what love is supposed to do.