12/16/2015

Today’s Horoscope

All signs:

Last night you probably didn’t get enough sleep.  Either you were up late getting something done, or up early getting something done that you didn’t do last night, or you went to bed and couldn’t fall asleep because you had a million things on your mind, or you woke up in the middle of the night because you had a million things on your mind …whatever.

That’s what happens.  It has been happening since the first cavemen worried about the big mammoth hunt the next day.  You’ll sleep when you can.  We have become obsessed with how much sleep we should get, but the truth is we don’t need to sleep eight hours a night every night to function.  

Obviously there are people with serious sleep disorders, but chances are you’re not one of them.  For some reason we seem to want to have every malady we see on TV, usually put there by some unscrupulous pharmaceutical company that wants to sell you their drugs.  

So don’t worry about it.  You’ll sleep when you can.  If you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep, have a glass of milk, read a book, masturbate, whatever relaxes you.  If you still can’t get back to sleep, just get the fuck out of bed and do something productive.  Maybe do something that you’ve been putting off so you don’t lie awake tonight worrying about it, or do something you were going to do later so you can go to bed early and catch up.

Just don’t worry about not getting enough sleep every single time you go to bed.  I’m not even sure where the anxiety comes from, or who decided you need eight hours.  I know people that have been operating on 4-6 hours of sleep a night and they are perfectly fine.  I know other people that seem to need 10 hours or more of sleep, although quite a few of them seemed a little depressed.  Point is, no one ever died from missing out on an hour or two of sleep.

And if you can’t sleep, and it’s not too cold out, go outside and look up at the stars.  They never sleep, even when you can’t see them, and they are always there for you to marvel at and wonder about.  They will be happy to see you, and they will shower you with starshine and to them it will be the closest thing to dreaming that they have.

Leo:

You need to spend a little more on that Christmas present.  She’s your mother ffs