Today's horoscope:
All signs:
You will come in contact with yet more assholes and douchebags in this long gauntlet of assholes and douchebags we call life. Try to navigate it with grace and with as little aggravation as possible. Know that these people generally have shitty lives caused by their own shitty behavior and move on. There are a lot of people in your life that aren't an asshole or a douchebag, concentrate on them.
All signs:
You will go off your diet, you will break down and have a cigarette and have to start over, you will call that person that is no good for you but you just love them anyway, you will lose your temper with someone that didn't really do anything, you will silently think something mean about your mother or father or kid or spouse when they just won't shut up for two seconds about something while you're trying to think. But who cares? You probably did it yesterday, and you'll probably do it tomorrow. Just remember: life is full of so many more little victories than it is little defeats, we just beat ourselves up over the tiny failures. You're still alive dummy. Try again tomorrow, that's all anyone can do.
All signs:
You will stumble a little stepping up onto a curb. You will push on a door instead of pulling. You will realize as you go to pull into a parking space that there is a car already in it that you didn't see and have to back up and find another. Don't worry about it. Everyone that you think saw you is busy doing a bunch of things just like it and worrying that you saw them. We are a bunch of stumbler's and door pushers by nature, accept it and move on.
Capricorn:
You will contract an STD. Sorry. That's just the way the stars align. You're fucked.
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