1/6/2016

Today’s Horoscope

All Signs:

Today, at some point, probably soon after you wake up, you will feel like shit.  That’s life, unfortunately.  The older you get, the more you will feel like shit.  It might be achy joints, it might be a headache out of nowhere, it might be one of the myriad of crappy sinus, throat and breathing crap that all (hopefully) falls under that catch-all thing we call allergies.  We constantly think we’re coming down with something, but we hope it’s just allergies, when in fact we have no idea what it is and we don’t want to.  We just want it to go away and get on with the next weird pain or affliction.  

We sometimes feel like we are on the verge of some serious illness and worry and fret and look on WebMD ( Do not EVER look on WebMD) to find if we are going to die or not.  WebMD almost always mentions cancer as one of the possible causes of your discomfort, so according to them you are probably going to die.  Whether or not they say that, that’s how your brain will process it.  It’s like people that see the weather report and there is a 5% chance of rain so they tell everyone about the big storm that’s coming.  People love to focus on the negative, it’s normal, if not destructive behavior.  

We usually don’t die, though.  In fact, later that day or the next a concerned friend or relative will ask how you are and if you’re okay and did you go to the doctor and you will look at them like they are nuts.  You won’t even remember what the hell they’re talking about at first.  Besides, who can concentrate on that while your stomach feels strange and WebMD just told you it’s probably cancer?

My point is, you are going to feel bad a lot of the time, and the more you think about it, the worse you will feel.  Sure, one of these times it will be something that kills you, but the other 99.9% of the time your back or neck will hurt until one day you wake up and it doesn’t.  Your throat will be scratchy and you will swear you are getting strep and then later in the day you’ll suddenly realize it feels fine and you won’t even be able to figure out when it got better.  You will feel a weird burning or a strange pop in your knee while going up the stairs and swear you need reconstructive surgery, then tomorrow you’re running around and don’t even remember that sickening feeling when your knee exploded.  Your stomach will be upset, or cramped up, or irritated, or nauseous, or … oh let’s face it, there are a million things that can go wrong with your stomach.  But then it will feel better again.  Maybe eating something will help, maybe not eating something will help.  Maybe a Tums will fix it right up, maybe a Tums will result in searing pain that will make you break out in hives, then you’ll take a nap and wake up feeling normal again.   

As I said, that’s a big part of what life is, but it doesn’t ruin the whole experience for you.  There are people that live with real, crippling, chronic pain, just be happy you’re not one of them.  There’s no great revelation or fix the stars can offer you either.  You are a very complex machine, full of organs and cells and receptors and a billion other things going on constantly just to keep you moving around and reproducing and eating french fries and  watching TV.  If you didn’t have a few aches and pains every day it would be ridiculous.  And if you get that occasional day where you feel unusually good?  Enjoy it for the rare and wonderful blessing it is.   

Now I have to go on WebMD and see why my foot hurts.  I just know it’s bone cancer …

Sagittarius:
No, you cannot talk to ghosts.  Just shut up with that already.