12/31/2015

Today's Horoscope

All Signs:

It's New Year's Eve, and you will find yourself making resolutions about all the ways you will better yourself in the coming year. Not to be a pessimist, but but the stars are giggling because they know nearly all of you will fail. They are not laughing at you, they would never do that. They chuckle because they see you make resolutions one day a year, age they know real change seldom works that way. They think our naivety and optimism is adorable and endearing. But they are sad, because they also know it is something else.

If and when you break those resolutions, go easy on yourself. Making resolutions is another one of those pitfalls that affords us an opportunity to feel guilty and acquire a little more self loathing. To feel like a failure, to give yourself one more excuse to give up on something you really want because you are afraid, and it's easier to lie to yourself and say you're no good and incapable of change just to get out of trying.

Our life is full of convenient and nasty things we have created, all intricately designed to make us feel guilty and bad. You don't even see it, but they are there. We are controlled by guilt and shame from childhood. By our parents, by our friends, by our loved ones. By advertisers, by religious leaders, by politicians. It is easy and it works, and they all know it. It works so well, we start doing it to ourselves, on autopilot.

We're so good at it we that when we feel bad or abused we tell ourselves that there are other people that have it worse and we should stop feeling sorry for ourselves. We invalidate our own feelings, and when we do it enough we end up feeling like we don't matter and we put ourselves last, and we kid ourselves that it makes us noble somehow.

That's how insidious guilt is. It makes us think so much less of ourselves. It tells us we're bad, that we don't deserve all the good things we're capable of having. We spend our whole lives punishing ourselves for shit that we didn't do, but we went about doing it in a way that was doomed to failure from the beginning. We self sabotage, again and again, over and over, never realizing that we are conditioned to do it by well meaning or nefarious people all throughout our lives. When you doubt and hate yourself, you're much easier to control, it's as simple as that.  As humans, we are hardwired evolutionarily to take the easy, efficient way, but sometimes the easy way is not what's best.

So if you make resolutions this year, don't worry about it when you break them an hour later. Know that changing yourself is a long hard road, and there will be many setbacks. A year is nowhere near long enough to completely change a lifetime of behavior. Do what you can, when you can, and take it easy on yourself when life trips you up. Remember that resolutions are a trap, a setup for failure.

If you have to make a resolution, the stars suggest it be this one:

Whenever you feel shame or guilt, stop and ask yourself why. Examine it for a moment and think about how you acquired that guilt. Who saddled you with it and what were they trying to get. Was it your parents trying to get you to eat your vegetables? Was it a friend trying to get you to go along with something you knew was wrong on the first place? Was it some insecure lover trying to control you? Was it some ad for a product or a politician trying to play on your emotions? Was it anyone or anything trying to manipulate you? If so, just tell that guilt to fuck right off and get on with your life.

Or is it something you are doing to yourself on autopilot, perhaps a pattern of making a bad choice and then beating yourself up so you have an excuse to repeat that behavior? If so, you need to break that cycle. If you can't do it yourself,(and let's face it, if you could you probably would have by now) get help. There's nothing wrong with asking for help from a friend, or seeking it professionally. There is shame and guilt try to stop us from taking care of ourselves again.

And if it comes from the fact that you did something bad and you truly should feel guilty about it? Well, that's okay too. Make it another resolution to make reparations. Apologize, to others you wronged, and to yourself. Do your penance, then let it go and move on.

The stars see your shame and they see that it is all unnecessary. They see you dragging it behind you, slowing you down and needlessly complicating your lives. Throw it off. Fling it into the far reaches of the universe where it can be can be pulled apart by the forces of gravity and entropy, or burned up in any one of a trillion nuclear reactors eternally shining in the heavens. The stars welcome your guilt and shame, for they know what to do with it. And now you do too.

Have a very happy New Year, and know that the stars will still be here to guide you and bring you comfort and love. They will do their best to make 2016 your best year yet, but they can't do it alone. Neither can you, but you don't have to. Keep that in mind.