Today's Horoscope
All signs:
Today you will internalize a bunch of stuff. You will bury your feelings deep down, adding it to the pile of suppressed rage or hurt or sadness or guilt you keep there, and you will feel the weight dragging you down and the acid burning and consuming you from the inside out. Maybe not immediately. Maybe not for years to come. But feel it you will. For every action, a reaction; a price to be paid for all that you do.
You might do it because you are afraid to speak your mind, so you will just keep quiet to avoid making a fool of yourself or having to defend your position and drag the spotlight onto you. Then another little regret will spring into life, to fester and prod you, and make you hate yourself and feel guilty a tiny bit more.
You might do it to avoid an argument with someone you love, because even though you know you're right and they're wrong, it's just easier than causing a fight. Still, it's a bitter pill to swallow and it won't dissolve. It will fester in your gut, and cause resentment and a slow burning fuse will be lit. Then one day it will blow up and come back out during a completely different disagreement, and you will say something you regret and feel like an asshole because you didn't just bring it up in the first place, but now your point is ruined. Now you are apologizing when you shouldn't have to, and new resentment can start to grow and another fuse has been lit.
Maybe someone hurt you, but your self esteem is such that you convince yourself that you deserve it and you're to blame. Maybe you're afraid to tell them how you feel because you are afraid they'll leave you and you desperately cling to a bad relationship. Your brain has you believe that you're horrible and a failure, and you have no right to be upset. So down it goes, into the well, where it whispers up to you and the echoes reinforce your bad self image and erodes who you are.
Day after day, fear and guilt and pain gets added, one grain after another, until you're just a doll filled with sawdust and bile, playing out scenes over and over in your mind and wondering what you could have done differently.
The only way to get them out safely is to regurgitate them in a safe place, with someone you trust. And you will have to do it again and again sometimes, because even when they rise into your mouth you will swallow them down again. It isn't easy to do, because it brings no satisfaction, and if you can't let it go once you see it, then it might just cause you more grief that you in turn shove inside onto the pile. It's tricky, and self-replicating, and there is usually no immediate reward because you're removing something in tiny, incremental bits that you hardly miss when they're gone.
All the time you are removing these bits, hundreds more are taking their place. So you have to stem the tide of new grains falling through the cracks and adding to the pile. The only way you can do that is to stop taking them in. Speak your mind. Don't be afraid of what someone else will think. If they disagree with who you are at your core, then they don't belong with you. Be true to who you are, because who you are will always yearn to get out, and eventually they will, even if it means burning a hole through you and consuming everything in the process. In short, stop punishing yourself and taking the blame for something that has no blame, and just fucking live your life free and simple. Just live.
The stars understand this. They only work from the inside out. Whatever is at their core starts on a million year journey to the surface, to be expelled across the vast distances of space to nourish, to energize, to create and destroy. To provide light and warmth, to guide you in the darkness and give you markers on your travels.
Be who you are and true to yourself and you'll be surprised how much it helps you and the others around you. The lie we tell ourselves and each other is that we are doing it to protect us, but we are in reality damaging ourselves and the ones we love, all for nothing and because we are simply afraid.
Like always.
Sagittarius:
If you're going to use the self check out lane, figure out how the damn scanner works already. It's not that hard.
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